AWWWWWWWWWWWW!! HELP!!!! My kids have finally made me crazy!! What a day this has been so far and it's only 1:40!! I had to take Austin to the Ear, Nose, Throat doctor today at 9:30. It was about 10:15 when I finally went up to the window and asked if they needed to see the insurance card since they hadn;t called his name yet. The lady said " Oh well, the doctor your seeing switched to the other check-in window so you'll need to go over there. (Mind-you that his name was on there sign and the other window is only across the room) You think they could ahve a sign saying" Dr. Bernholz patients need to sign in at the other window please. BUT NO!! So, I went to the other window and explained what had happened. She said" Oh.we marked you down for a no show!!" I about lost it then. I kept my cool though - SURPRiSED?!? In about 10more minutes they called us back to the room. We met with the nurse and then about 15 minutes went by until the Doctor came in. Meanwhile, I have ALL the kids with me. Andrew was at his limit by then. He wants to run around the room but I can;t let him because the nurse explained to me before she left the room that there was this tube in the corner that had TOXIC medicine in it and that if he bumped it and spilled it he would get hurt!!!! Also, on the table beside Austin's chair was a covered needle, but yet still a needle. We finally leave the doctors, get Austin lunch and then before I took him to school I had to stop by the AAA store and pick up some tickets. The 5 MINUTES we were in there, Andrew proceeded to knock over an ENTIRE DISNEY display in the store! Broke a frame and so on!!! Alos, this week his has managed to learn how to get out of all playpens and his crib!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So next time you see me I have less hair our just sit and stare and rock back in forth you'll know why!!

Hope everyone has a better day than I have had!! Oh well, God is still Good and he will get me through it somehow!!

Wow!! Sorry it's been over 2 weeks since I put in an entry. The kids have me so busy I can't keep the days straight. Austin has baseball 2 to 3 times a week, church is 2 days a week, choir is one night, graduations and showers take up the weekends. So, there's not much time for me or the computer.

We got our pool installed on last Monday!YEAH!!! I will have something to keep the kids entertained this summer.

In 2 weeks and 4 days I will be leaving for Monterrey, Mexico for our Youth Missions trip and I CAN"T WAIT!!! I am excited to see what God is going to do. He has been moving so powerfully in our services at church and through myself and many of my friends! GOD IS AWESOME!!! I'm also anxious to see what God is going to do in my life through this trip! We had a special speaker last night at church and he was sharing a sermon about third day worship and the meaning of it and about the mening of praise with the 3 levels of the temple and how they relate! This was the third time in about 6 months that a special speaker has come to our church and spoke about the same subject. He also prophesied (sorry about the spelling???) pver our church and our Pastors. He also said something that hit home to me along with the others things he shared! He was talking about the different generations and differnt aspects in our lives where we need to pass the baton or the baton has been passed to us and we need to decide whether or not were going to drop it, just hold it and do nothing with it, or to carry it and run with it!! of course he went into further detail. But is just hit home due to the fact that was one of the last things Phil talked about before he passed on. He wanted us to pick up the torch where he left off! HE WAS PASSING IT ON TO US!! He had finished his race and now it was our turn!! Well Phil, I'm taking the torch and running with it!! God has been doing such a work in me lately and I can't wait to see where he takes me!!

I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!

Wow, What a week!! It's been tough. I am feeling order with Austin turning 7 and Andrew turning 2. He is growing up so fast! You should hear him talk now. For the past few weeks and for this week I am pretty much a taxi for Austin. Between Jr. Choir and Baseball I am going NON-STOP!! I usually only have time to check my Xanga maybe once a week, if that!!

I am having a hard time this week. Yesterday, Scott got choked up at the Indians game thinking that was something him and Phil enjoyed together and now he was no longer there to share it with. So then of course I got choked up. Then last night I sit down to watch TV and what else but Everybody Loves Raymond comes on. And it was the episode that we all watched together in the hospital room the week he passed away!! So then my mind started and needless to day I didnt get much sleep last night. And now I sit here on the eve of my brother passing away 6months ago and I am still in so much pain!! I can think back and remember that night vividly!! I remember staying up ALL night just holding his hand, not realizing that that would be my last time holding him. It is still so fresh in my mind, every moment in the hospitol  that it almost paralizes me. It just goes over and over in my mind!! I miss him so much and my heart hurts knowing that it will be a long time before I can hold his hand again. I miss his laugh, I miss his smile, I miss him singing, I miss his jokes, heck, I miss him picking on me!! It's hard to believe it has been 6 months since his passing and yet I think back to last year and can't believe how fast he went. I regret so many things. I should have taken more pictures, I should have asked him more questions and so much more. It just shows you that you have to cherish every moment of everyday!! I love my family so much and it hurts me that I can't see them all the time.

Well, I need to put myself to bed so that I can function tomorrow! I can guarantee that I will cry myself to sleep yet again!!

As Jared said, "  Dad, I Love You, I Miss You, and I 'll Never Forget you." How well put Jared!!

I LOVE YOU PHIL!!I MISS YOU!! Can't wait to see you in Heaven Someday!!

Love Your Sister,

Rachel